Learning to forgive

Kathy, a girl, became physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually ill by justifying her hatred towards her father. Her father reportedly abandoned the family - Kathy, her mother & six other children.  While at home, he physically abused everyone and they were all terrified of him. None of them knew when he would lose his temper and turn violent.

Kathy was affected by chronic state of anger which caused lots of imbalances in her own life more than anyone else's. She would lash out at those nearby with only the slightest provocation like her father. Her actions cost Kathy heavily, ending up with strained, unhappy relationships and changing job after job.

Hatred and bitterness percolated to her physical levels and she suffered from headaches, stomach problems and eventually developed arthritis. By her twenty-fifth birthday Kathy looked middle aged. She would re-live the miseries of her past each day and cry out that 'he was a terrible person'.

She knew she would be better off if only she could learn to forgive her father, but she just couldn't do it, nor did she wanted anyone else to forgive him.

Kathy started the process of forgiveness. Lead by her inner guidance and persistent effort, tried to soften her emotions and change her thought patterns. Slowly she came to understand how her father could have acted so violently, she began to feel pity for him, then compassion and then love.

A person can move forward with a renewed sense of peace when there is no longer the burden of withheld forgiveness. When Kathy learned to forgive her father, she began to forgive and love herself. Her life transformed into a better one and her physical problems cleared up.

Think of what you have than what you want

One of the most pervasive and destructive mental tendencies I’ve seen is that of focusing on what we want instead of what we have. It doesn’t seem to make any difference how much we have; we just keep expanding our list of desires, which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied. The mindset that says “I’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled” is the same mindset that will repeat itself once that desire is met.

We want this or that. If we don’t get what we want we keep thinking about all that we don’t have -- and we remain dissatisfied. If we do get what we want, we simply recreate the same thinking in our new circumstances. So, despite getting what we want, we still remain unhappy. Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires.

Luckily, there is a way to be happy. It involves changing the emphasis of our thinking from what we want to what we have.
Each time you notice yourself falling into the “I wish life were different” trap, back off and start over. Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus not on what you want, but on what you have, you end up getting more of what you want anyway.

Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before.

Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad-gita 2.70
A person who is not disturbed by the incessant flow of desires—that enter like rivers into the ocean, which is ever being filled but is always still—can alone achieve peace, and not the man who strives to satisfy such desires.