“Controlling” refers to unhealthy attempts to manipulate the behavior of others, having the need to control your environment, and becoming defensive or anxious when other people don’t behave to your specifications – the way you think they should be.
To be controlling means you are preoccupied with the actions of others and how those actions affect you.
“Controlling” is highly stressful – both to the controller and to those who are being controlled. A person who is controlling carries with him a great deal of stress because; occasionally we can influence another person, but can’t force him to be a certain way. To someone who is controlling, this is highly frustrating.
What hurts the controlling person is what goes on inside ---- his feelings and emotions. The key element seems to be a lack of willingness to allow other people to fully be themselves, to give them space to be who they are, and to respect – really respect – the fact that people think differently. Deep down, a controlling person doesn’t want other people to be themselves, but rather the image of who they want them to be. But people aren’t an image of who we want them to be – they are who they are.
The only way to become less controlling is to see the advantages of doing so. When you can make allowances in your mind for the fact that other people see life differently than you do, you’ll experience far less internal struggle.
In addition, as you become less controlling, you’ll be a lot easier to be around. You can probably guess that most people don’t like to be controlled. It’s turnoff. It creates resentment and adversarial relationships. As you let go of your need to be so controlling, people will be more inclined to help you; they will want to see you succeed. When people feel accepted for who they are rather than judged for who you think they should be, they will admire and respect you like never before.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Don’t let success go to your head
There’s an alarming trend: People who have had some degree of good fortune and success tend to lose their humility and become at least slightly arrogant. This is very unfortunate for many reasons. First, and most obviously, no one really wants to be around someone who is arrogant or self-absorbed. It’s boring, and it’s annoying! Arrogance implies a lack of gratitude. The assumption is, “I did this all by myself; it’s all about me.”
Factors such as our good karma, Lord’s blessings and so on are forgotten or disregarded.
In addition, when you allow success to go to your head, your stress levels skyrocket and your quality of life gradually disappears. People will stop liking you, and eventually, you’ll stop liking yourself.
Friendships slip away; obsessive busyness and a lack of time take over. Someone who was happy and relatively easy to please is now impossible to satisfy.
There are many celebrities, athletes, and business people who have done really well – their talent, timing, hard work, luck, and all the rest of it kicked in at just the right time. Yet, rather than being grateful and keeping a sense of perspective, they act as if they are somehow better or more important than others simply because they’re good at something and have enjoyed some success.
Don’t let success go to your head!
Factors such as our good karma, Lord’s blessings and so on are forgotten or disregarded.
In addition, when you allow success to go to your head, your stress levels skyrocket and your quality of life gradually disappears. People will stop liking you, and eventually, you’ll stop liking yourself.
Friendships slip away; obsessive busyness and a lack of time take over. Someone who was happy and relatively easy to please is now impossible to satisfy.
There are many celebrities, athletes, and business people who have done really well – their talent, timing, hard work, luck, and all the rest of it kicked in at just the right time. Yet, rather than being grateful and keeping a sense of perspective, they act as if they are somehow better or more important than others simply because they’re good at something and have enjoyed some success.
Don’t let success go to your head!
Stop worrying too much
Recently I saw a survey that says:
• 40 percent of the things we worry about never happen,
• 30 percent are in the past and can't be helped,
• 12 percent concern the affairs of others
• 10 percent are about sickness--either real or imagined
• 8 percent are worth worrying about.
I would submit that even the 8 percent aren't really worth the energy of worry.
Did you know that the English word worry is derived from an Anglo-Saxon word that means to strangle or to choke? That's easy to believe. People do literally worry themselves to death leading to heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, nervous disorders and all sorts of other diseases. Is it worth it?
We just need to find a way to keep it from ruling our lives.
Try this:
• Analyze the situation honestly and figure out what is the worst possible thing that could happen.
• Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst, if necessary.
• Then calmly try to improve upon the worst, which you have already agreed mentally to accept.
• You know what you have to do; it's just a matter of doing it. Without worrying.
The point is, you can't saw sawdust. A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work. People get so busy worrying about yesterday or tomorrow, they forget about today. And today is what you have to work with.
• 40 percent of the things we worry about never happen,
• 30 percent are in the past and can't be helped,
• 12 percent concern the affairs of others
• 10 percent are about sickness--either real or imagined
• 8 percent are worth worrying about.
I would submit that even the 8 percent aren't really worth the energy of worry.
Did you know that the English word worry is derived from an Anglo-Saxon word that means to strangle or to choke? That's easy to believe. People do literally worry themselves to death leading to heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, nervous disorders and all sorts of other diseases. Is it worth it?
We just need to find a way to keep it from ruling our lives.
Try this:
• Analyze the situation honestly and figure out what is the worst possible thing that could happen.
• Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst, if necessary.
• Then calmly try to improve upon the worst, which you have already agreed mentally to accept.
• You know what you have to do; it's just a matter of doing it. Without worrying.
The point is, you can't saw sawdust. A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work. People get so busy worrying about yesterday or tomorrow, they forget about today. And today is what you have to work with.
When people come to you to present their problems
An executive at a large publishing company was sick and tired of boring and unproductive meetings marked by excessive hand-wringing. He enforced a rule that everyone who wished to present a problem to him first had to submit a memo answering these four questions:
1. What's the problem?
2. What's the cause of the problem?
3. What are all possible solutions to the problem?
4. Which solution do you suggest?
He now rarely has to deal with problems anymore and he doesn't worry about them. He's found that his associates have used the system to find workable solutions without tying up hours in useless meetings.
He estimates that he has eliminated three-fourths of his meeting time and has improved his productivity, health and happiness.
Is he just passing the buck? Of course not! He's paying those folks to do their jobs, and he's giving them great training at decision-making
1. What's the problem?
2. What's the cause of the problem?
3. What are all possible solutions to the problem?
4. Which solution do you suggest?
He now rarely has to deal with problems anymore and he doesn't worry about them. He's found that his associates have used the system to find workable solutions without tying up hours in useless meetings.
He estimates that he has eliminated three-fourths of his meeting time and has improved his productivity, health and happiness.
Is he just passing the buck? Of course not! He's paying those folks to do their jobs, and he's giving them great training at decision-making
HARD WORK
Why is a highly posted government officer given better facilities for a comfortable life than an ordinary clerk? The answer is very simple: the important officer has to discharge duties of a more responsible nature than those of an ordinary clerk. Similarly, the human being has to discharge higher duties than the animals, who are always busy with filling their hungry stomachs. But by the laws of nature, the modern animalistic standard of civilization has only increased the problems of filling the stomach. When we approach some of these polished animals for spiritual life, they say that they only want to work for the satisfaction of their stomachs and that there is no necessity of inquiring about the Godhead. Yet despite their eagerness to work hard, there is always the question of unemployment and so many other impediments incurred by the laws of nature. Despite this, they still denounce the necessity of acknowledging the Godhead.
We are given this human form of life not just to work hard like the swine or dog, but to attain the highest perfection of life. If we do not want that perfection, then we will have to work very hard, for we will be forced to by the laws of nature. In the closing days of Kali-yuga (this present age) men will have to work hard like asses for only a scrap of bread. This process has already begun, and every year the necessity for harder work for lesser wages will increase. Yet human beings are not meant to work hard like animals, and if a man fails to discharge his duties as a human being, he is forced to transmigrate to the lower species of life by the laws of nature.
We are given this human form of life not just to work hard like the swine or dog, but to attain the highest perfection of life. If we do not want that perfection, then we will have to work very hard, for we will be forced to by the laws of nature. In the closing days of Kali-yuga (this present age) men will have to work hard like asses for only a scrap of bread. This process has already begun, and every year the necessity for harder work for lesser wages will increase. Yet human beings are not meant to work hard like animals, and if a man fails to discharge his duties as a human being, he is forced to transmigrate to the lower species of life by the laws of nature.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thinking "Out of the Box"
Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.
The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.
What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked." Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.
Life is actually a reflection of our thoughts and actions...
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors.
A small, happy little dog came to know of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.
He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his.
He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."
All the faces in the world are mirrors. Just observe what kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)